10 Unexpected Ways to Love Yourself
Learning to love yourself is all the rage now: from solo spa days and practicing affirmations to spending some much-needed time alone or with your girlfriends, it seems as though everyone is on their own unique journey of discovering what it means to truly love themselves - and I am HERE FOR IT. But, REAL TALK BABES, some of us are only going skin-deep. Spiritual and emotional by-passing is so heavy in the field but if you’re here, most likely you are ready to dig deep, to do your soul growth work, and remember the highest truth of who you are and always have been. You know that self-love is so much more than bubble baths, treating yourself, and girl's nights. I’m going to be real f*cking honest, some of the people out there teaching about “spirituality and consciousness” are only teaching tools, tips, or tricks to help you “feel good in the moment” and real growth is done in the depths, in the moments of contrast and conflict deep in the void. By getting curious about our deepest, darkest selves, we begin to re-program, remove the masks, and remember the cosmic truth of who we are.
We are fractals of source being projected as individual consciousnesses to experience ourselves in our fullness - READ THAT AGAIN! You are a fractal of pure source consciousness experiencing itself in the 3D. We’re here, not only to experience things that make us feel good - like facials, massages, sex, food, and all that good sh*t - but also to uncover and discover our God(dess) true nature as a cosmic creature having a human experience to co-create in this plane.
Loving yourself goes far deeper than simply loving the way your hair falls around your shoulders or how your eyes sparkle in the sun - it is about loving the parts of yourself that you run or turn away from, the parts of you that the system/program has taught you to hate, shame, or repress away. Loving yourself is about getting real first, being honest with yourself, and having great TRUST within yourself along your path. It’s about loving the parts of yourself that you have shoved so far down that you have forgotten they are even a part of you. Learning to love, accept, and forgive your Self is what true love is all about. The other stuff is just the cherry on top. With that said, here are 10 ways I’ve been stepping into loving myself more fully!
#1: Talk to Your Inner Child
Each one of us has an inner child who impacts our daily adult lives and relationships, which runs so much of our experience, that it’s imperative that we prioritize time to connect and get to know them. If we don’t, they may end up running the show in ways that are not actually helpful for our soul growth, personal development, and life living. For many of us, our childhood is full of joy, play, and so much beauty, and at the same time, it’s where we received some of our deepest programming around relationships, worthiness, “right/wrong,” attachment, gender roles, societal “norms,” and so much more.
Whether we consciously realize it or not, the majority of the beliefs we formed as a child are a basis for the experience we create for ourselves daily. This means two things: with this knowledge, we can choose to do something different and begin the work of reprogramming our mind with thoughts and beliefs that better serve us in the now OR we can continue to let out dated programs and beliefs of those who raised us and the messages that we received continue to dictate our lives. Think for a moment: how do you speak to yourself when you make a mistake? Do you immediately start berating yourself and call yourself names? Or do you say to yourself “It’s alright. I’m human, and sometimes I make mistakes”?
There is a gorgeous opportunity for growth, harmony, and massive quantum change when we choose to lean into getting to know our inner child self. When we begin cultivating this relationship, we make so much spaciousness for our little self to feel safe again in expression, in play, in being messy. We have an opportunity to be the teacher, parent, and loved one our little Self has always desired. Learning to speak to your inner child creates so much compassion and love for yourself. As always, everything starts from the inside out - you must get to know your little so you can love them up and create a new foundation for what love means FOR YOU.
#2: Learn to LET GO
The past can be a tricky thing to let go of, but the truth is LETTING GO IS A KEY TO SELF LOVE. Holding on to things you’ve done in the past or decisions you made will not serve you on your path of moving forward and choosing your personal, soul growth. Look, I get it, the past also holds important keys for healing but if we are constantly looking back or trying to dig deep into our past it will keep us stuck there. Allowing these things to define who you are only reaffirms any negative beliefs you continue to carry about yourself such as not being lovable or not being good “enough.”
By learning to let go of the past, any stories you’ve created from it, and beginning to love, accept and forgive yourself for all of it, you allow yourself room to expand into the person you’ve always known you can be. When we learn to let go we become ever more present to the NOW moment and this allows us to empower ourselves forwards. No matter what “it” may be (the past, a relationship, job, community, etc.) when you can begin to loosen your grip and let go - you make room for more to come into its place - something even more aligned for the truth within you.
#3: Say No
Learning how to set boundaries not only with other people but with yourself, is the first step toward learning to respect your entire Being. This isn’t saying to throw all of your obligations to the wayside, but this is saying to start saying no to things that don’t light you up. We all have to do things in life and check things off our list, but we get to decide what we spend our time doing in the crevices.
If getting coffee with a coworker on the weekend feels like it’s impeding on your work-life balance, allow yourself to say no. By setting boundaries for yourself, you are also helping people realize that it’s okay for them to set boundaries for themself, too.
#4: Start Your Unbecoming Journey
In your path toward loving yourself, you will start to get a glimpse of what it means to live in alignment with your higher self. As you re-connect with your higher self, you often learn that your Becoming (aka learning who you Truly are) is actually a journey of unbecoming everything you are not. Part of the 'higher self' journey is about releasing past beliefs and stories that you have taken on to believe make up the entirety of your Being and beginning to more consciously chose beliefs that are aligned with YOUR inner values and truths. This is the key to unlocking the True and Divine nature that's always been there, you are just now remembering.
#5: Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company
You will not learn to love yourself if you spend all of your time surrounded by other people, especially if those people are not on their own journey of self-love. Getting quiet and still within yourself by turning inward will make it easier to hear what guidance Spirit has for you as you learn to love yourself. Once you begin to understand the inner workings of your mind on a deeper level, it will make it easier to feel, express, and move through your emotions as you progress forward on your journey of self-love.
#6: Detach from the Perceived Outcome
A huge part of my self-love journey has been practicing the art of non-attachment and remembering that everything I need is already inside of me. That I am, as I am, already whole and complete, while existing in a society created to have us believe otherwise. This is why detaching yourself from where you hope to be in a year or two years or however long on your self-love journey is so important: it’s about letting go of the need to control or manipulate every part of our existence so we can let in new fresh life to flourish into the truth of who we are.
#7: Prioritize Play
In a society that teaches us that our worth is solely based on how much we produce, it can be hard to remember what it even feels like to have fun. This is why learning to reconnect with your inner child is so important: it will help you remember the things that brought you joy when you were a little kid. If it’s been a while since you did something purely for fun, think back to when you were younger: what types of things did you enjoy filling your days with? Do more of that.
#8: Keep Promises to Yourself
When was the last time you broke a promise to yourself? Maybe you broke a boundary that you set and now you feel overwhelmed, stressed out, or even anxious. Keeping promises to yourself proves to your soul that you respect yourself, fully and authentically. You deserve to show yourself the same respect you would show your boss, your friend, or your parents. By keeping promises to yourself time and time again, eventually, you will be a boundary-setting pro.
#9: Be Grateful, Now
People often believe that when they get their dream job, lose 10 pounds, or finally get a significant other, THEN they’ll be happy, but that isn’t the case. Eventually, the job starts to feel dreary, you gain back the weight you lost, or you had your first fight with your partner. Life happens in cycles, with many ups and downs, which is why learning to be happy in whatever circumstance you find yourself in can be very helpful on your path toward self-love.
#10: Mirror Work
This is becoming a more popular practice as the years go on, but mirror work is the act of looking at yourself in a mirror, typically while you are fully or partially nude. The goal is to simply observe your body as it is, without placing preconceived notions or judgments about what you are seeing. Rather, when a negative thought pops up, the goal is to transmute and transform that thought into a positive one. For example, if the thought “Oh my god, my thighs are SO huge” pops into your mind, reframe it into “Wow, look at how strong my thighs are. They’ve carried me through my whole life and I’m so grateful for that.”
The more and more you do this practice, the easier it gets over time. If you are doing mirror work for the first time, set a timer for 1 minute and see how it feels to only focus your attention on what you see being reflected in the mirror.
Learning to love yourself is a lifelong journey, with many twists and turns along the way. How you love yourself best today will be different than how you love yourself 5 or even 10 years from now, but it’s all about connecting back to your Self and listening to what they have to say.
If you are ready to learn how to love yourself while leaning into a place of receivership, I invite you to watch the replay of my epic Wolf Pack Activation workshop!
Through the “work,” we are allowed to create a new paradigm together that allows us to know we are safe to give and receive more freely within ALL types of relationships. In this safe, explorative, and activating space we co-create, we will be able to become even more of ourselves, while we bring forward more of our truth.
Join us as we activate the throat chakra with a guided sacred journaling practice, voice activation, and community healing activation. This workshop will activate your wolf call and bring in your soul pack - you don’t have to keep doing it alone. But you do get to activate the call! Come join us as together we activate our unique soul call to bring in our pack and HOWLLLLLLLL!!
