The Process of Becoming
2021 began with a purge. A purge of all friendships, relationships, situationships, and any other shit that was no longer in alignment for who I am becoming – a purge of the way I was living, how I was speaking to myself, and so much else. It felt as if my dreams were crumbling out from under me. Everything I once knew was completely shattered and I was completely unsure of what was next. All I thought I knew and once desired was completely stripped. I was left with a clean slate and an opportunity to return home to myself – to return home to my soul – in a deeper, more authentic, and aligned way. Looking back, I realize that it was necessary for me to purge all that I was, to become who I am now. It all happened for me so that I could continue on my journey of becoming. Things that once felt true had shifted and refined even more. Allowing my path to unfold had become even more clear to me. Whatever was holding me back, whether - a person, belief, or situation, if it wasn’t in service of my highest timeline it was ripped away for me to align my human experience with this newest version of expression and exploration.
The jumpstart to my purge was the separation from my longtime partner. At the beginning of last year, it became clear to me that our deep, meaningful, beautiful, divine relationship was coming to a close - simply put, our contract for this shared experience was up. The message came through to me loud and clear: it was time for us to grow on our own separate paths. I grappled and fought with this message for months before I was finally ready to make the move. Spirit allows us to move in our own divine time and gently (though often loudly) hold our feet to the fire until we’re ready to embody our transformation. While our relationship was cosmic, it was clear that our time together had found its natural close.
Each and every person we form a connection with serves a purpose. Some are meant to walk with us across many lifetimes, while others only walk with us for a short while. Many people are blessings, showing us more of ourselves and what love truly is. While others are lessons helping us to uncover parts of ourselves that could use a little bit more love. Each person on our path serves us in some way, whether we are aware of it or not. Learning to let go and say goodbye is often part of both the blessings and the lessons.
Nathan and I grew as much as we were meant to together. A lesson in dedication and devotion to my path, a lesson on knowing when to let go, how to surrender into the unknown, and to say goodbye to love in a way that would allow for more love to swell into its place. Often on the journey of becoming, of letting more love in, it feels like we’re falling apart when in truth we are cracking open to more than we ever thought possible. My path had become clear, it was time to surrender to my connection with Spirit more fully. I knew that this separation, this farewell was the beginning of a new level of unfolding for my journey, that it was time for new lessons to be learned along the way. I didn’t know what was to come exactly but I decided to trust that each part of my journey was divinely guiding me to exactly where I needed to be for my soul’s greatest unfolding.
Often along our path, through its many twists and turns, there are opportunities for us to deepen, refine, and realign – and oftentimes these events signal that it’s time for a massive change.
For me, all of the opportunities for re-alignment have allowed me to open my eyes to the deep worthiness and purest core desires that I carry within me. The truth is, the journey of becoming often allows us to see exactly what we need and have ever desired to experience across all aspects of this human life. Part of my becoming is to come home to my worthiness, to see just how worthy I am of all that I desire in all facets and aspects of life.
This massive pivot on my path has opened me up to this core belief: we are all capable of living a badass, aligned life that fuels our mind, body, and soul more than we could ever know. We are all capable of creating our own reality through the experiences that are divinely meant for us, but we must be willing to let go and surrender to the journey of becoming. Letting go of everything you think you know is an important piece of the puzzle – it is a catalyst that forges a new path in front of you. Change is the thing that allows you to blossom into the person you’re meant to become. The most important thing you will have to learn in the process of becoming - you will often have to let go of the things you once knew, the people you were once deeply connected with, the places that felt like home, the behaviors that once served you… everything about your old path. This requires a deep trust in yourself. You’re making the right choice when you let go of what is comfortable for that which will expand, shape, and unfold you. You must be willing to lose it all, in pursuit of your soul's deepest desires and truth, That my love, is the process of becoming.