Holding Yourself Though Ego + Identity Death
INVOKING THE SNAKE
The snake reminds us that there is beauty in death, in surrendering, in letting go of everything you thought you knew. To go through an identity or ego death takes self trust and dedication, an ability to be fully present even in moments of pain. One of the deepest lessons I've learned through life is that I have the immense ability to receive deep pleasure and abundance even when I’m moving through density; even in the toughest of challenges I am able to let gratitude flow through. I have built a divine trust that on the other side, there is an even brighter, golden beauty to be held.
In the last year, my capacity for holding space for others on their journey has also deepened tremendously. Accompanying others through their own transformations has been profoundly humbling. In the last year, I have witnessed so many beautiful souls embody and embrace their highest frequency, unfolding on their soul’s journey! What an honor it has been to share and witness such a massive up-leveling.
Many times along our individual and collective journeys, we find ourselves in transition. This happens naturally as a part of growth: things that no longer serve us must fall away to create room for what is to come. But there are also times when we seek transformation out on our own. The snake does this often, purposefully releasing that which has become a constraint. May we learn from her on our intentional journey.
LAYING EGO TO REST
In certain cases, an old expectation or a piece of ourselves must be laid to rest to rebuild a new structure that is more reciprocal and in-flow with the truth of who we are in the Universe. In order to expand and rebuild, we must also be able to contract and deconstruct. How do we safely begin to dismantle, disrupt, and deconstruct what’s no longer working? How do we test the foundation? How do we face death, challenge, change, grief, darkness, the unknown without fear but with reverence and respect for their purpose in the cycle of life?
Let us remember that Darkness is not evil. Darkness is rest: we close our eyes and turn off the lights before sleep. We plant seeds for flowers and life deep into the dark soil for them to grow. We see the stars only because the light of the sun has moved across the sky and dipped below the horizon. Darkness is a necessary part of life—it is where growth begins. Babies are born from the dark warmth of the womb, and so too are you reborn. It is in the darkness we begin to learn, to grow, to rise again.
Together, let us prepare for your willing descent into Darkness. Sink with me into the void, the unknown, the abyss to come out stronger on the other side.
YOU ARE SAFE TO SIT WITH SELF
If you really want to live a life filled with freedom, desire, love, abundance and all that good-good, you must prioritize knowing YOU—ALL parts of you. You must learn to create time alone with yourself. If you can’t SIT with yourself, you will never know what is true for you, what is not you, what is a false truth, and what truth is to you. Each of us have our own understanding of truth—whether it comes from our family, social conditioning, or the handful of other influences and sources in our lives—but to know our truth, we must begin to connect, communicate, and get curious with what is operating underneath all of these things.
Yes, truly sitting with oneself without distraction can be hella challenging! But truly, it is the one thing that will be the most supportive for your soul's unfolding journey. I will be honest: if you don’t take time to do this, you will continue to be controlled by things that are not you. You will continue to live life disconnected, stressed, and sitting in a place of subtle (sometimes obvious) suffering. You deserve better than that. Can you take just a few moments a day to sit—without distractions? No running, working out, listening to music or a podcast. Truly doing nothing but listening and connecting within. This is where your soul’s truth and medicine are held. The harder this sounds, the more you need it. ;)
It’s simple enough to be one of the most challenging things you will ever do—but the trust and beauty on the other side are so worth the journey!
BUILDING A SELF-PRACTICE
“ If you can’t sit with yourself in discomfort, you certainly can’t hold yourself through the Darkness!”
Find a comfortable spot, and sit with yourself in silence. Find your breath and just begin to notice. See what comes through and know each day/moment will feel different. Some days you may become aware of what your judgments are, or hear the voice of your inner critic, and one day you will be able to begin to recognize and name the voices that have a seat at the table within you. This process is all about getting curious about the intricacies of who you are and allowing them to reveal themselves to you.
It truly doesn’t matter how long this practice is, just that you do it and continue to do it as a part of your practice of love, trust, and growth. As you deepen into this practice, see if you can extend the time a little longer: 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15, 25, 45 minutes. If you’re really feeling it, here’s an invitation to spend a whole day alone with yourself and follow your own unique flow. What do you truly crave to experience and create in your body? In your reality? This is how you get to know all of you. Sit and witness yourself. Watch and allow yourself to unfold—this process may be slow so take your time, be gentle.
I won’t pretend this is an easy process—I’ve gone through it myself! But without the foundation of getting to know yourself, you will lack a deep self trust. If you can’t sit with yourself in discomfort, you certainly can’t hold yourself through the Darkness! To be able to surrender into death and create new life requires us to sit with ourselves, (all parts of ourselves, including those that are hidden in the Darkness) so establishing this self-practice is a non-negotiable. The process of a soulful, resonant, and full life requires self trust, which is built moment-by-moment honoring and listening within.
CREATING SPACE FOR OPPORTUNITY
Through observation, we begin to see where we may be suppressing, stuck, or struggling rather than expressing. The truth is, what we resist persists, so noticing our sticky bits is how we find our hidden golden nuggets, the gifts within. It’s important to remember that none of our inner aspects are ‘right or wrong,’ they all serve a divine purpose to show us the truth of what is and is not us. The idea of ‘right/wrong’ keeps us trapped in the limited Blueprint and timeline of Duality—which is a lower vibrational and dimensional frequency. The truth of our most authentic codes come from the foundational Blueprint of UNITY, which allows us to exist in a limitless, complete, and more vibrationally full space!
With patience and compassion, we begin to create neutrality toward ourselves. Giving ourselves the spaciousness to recognize that all parts of us have the right to exist helps us to begin to consciously choose which spaces we’d like to uplift. This is how we choose new timelines and upgrade our vibrational frequency to the tune of love, healing, unity, and trust. Know that when we move through life consciously choosing our thoughts and refining our frequency from our inner truth, we create more space and invite others to do the same. So, my love, the act of sitting with oneself is truly heroic AF. We can do this, we get to do this—it really is that simple. All you gotta do is sit with you; get to know you and all of the multidimensional aspects of you.
When I first sat with myself, I began to notice the many layers, parts, and aspects of who I “am.” It was amazing. There were aspects of me that I had never given the time of day. Parts of me or my memory that had gone completely astray. And I began to offer each of these parts a moment to take center stage, to share their story, to make themselves known to me. And I slowly learned to not run away, to no longer shove down, hide, or suppress any part of my human messiness. From that place, I began to accept things as they are and use my inner knowledge to adjust my programming (my thoughts, beliefs, actions) in a way that would be more loving, supportive, and serving in the life I know I am truly deserving.
It hasn’t always been easy and it’s different every day, but this practice is one that I commit to every day. Because I know that it reminds me that I am worthy, that I am whole, loved, accepted, and perfect in every way. It reminds me of the medicine I carry within, my inner knowing, my wisdom, and the direct connection to source information that I would have otherwise stayed asleep too. Through sitting within your self, you open up your own inner portal and wake up to the dream within the dream. Here, you step in the powerful place of co-creating.
REFINEMENT, OR, CO-CREATING WITH THE UNIVERSE
When we honor the natural polarity of this plane, we begin to dance with it, creating a new option for ourselves. This is an act of stepping in as your own conscious creator. We are able to recognize that all behaviors come from a positive intention, but sometimes the mechanisms we use to express these beliefs are not serving. With attention, we can notice where we are moving from lack, scarcity, false narratives, or limiting beliefs instead of POSSIBILITY and begin to refine these areas.
Remember: refinement does not mean rejecting an aspect of self! It means accepting that aspect and elevating it for a more conscious, clear, and direct outcome. There is no reason to reject a part of yourself, for each piece of you holds a pure truth that wants to be seen and used consciously. Through our conscious choosing, we can refine our minds and refine our lives. Choose to see and sit with your deeper aspects and recognize them as truth, so you may refine the outcome and reality of the life you are living.
After a few rounds of refinement, you’ve made time for yourself, cultivated self trust, and built self safety. Safety has to come from within, or we will constantly be seeking externally. This is a waste of our energy and continues to keep our nervous system in fight or flight! However, if you find yourself stuck in this step, are dealing with an especially loud Inner Critic, or want more support in Pattern Interruption, I have a great resource here.
THE DESCENT INTO DARKNESS
From a cultivated space of self trust and self safety, we can confidently hold ourselves in void of what may be. Begin to accept yourself, and tend to the garden of your beliefs so you can know what lives there and cultivate their power. You’ve created the trust and knowing to explore your root system, dig into the depths, and excavate the truth.
Welcome to your descent into the Underworld, a place to discover the origins of your beliefs, to see the roots of where you’ve been and where you’re growing. It is here we become far more intimate with ourselves. The deeper we descend, the higher we can rise again. When we delve into the darkness and go beyond simply noticing thoughts, we begin to move through intuition, an ancient knowing, toward the healing medicine within. Sink deeper into your experience of life, be present, where and when do you feel resistant? Sticky? Unloved? Unworthy? How can you hold yourself in that space without worry, fear, or doubt? The holding begins when you listen within—immerse yourself, get intimate with this space. Simply be with yourself in the Dark. Let what needs to be seen to illuminate itself.
In the depths, in the Darkness, you will see the root system of what has been in order to understand and decide for yourself your next step. Notice where you carry shame or blame, judgement, disdain, jealousy, anger, rage, pain, suffering, ALL THE THINGS, and sit in those places to connect, communicate, and honor the parts of you that hide in shadow. These parts hold our sacred truths and our purest essence.
RECOGNITION OF TRUTH
Deep in the depths of our inner workings, little golden flecks of truth will flicker, making themselves known beneath the distortion of false information we’ve received through a life of conditional, unconscious programming. By exploring this deep, dark, sticky place, we connect with the gift of our inner Knowing and Being. The gifts of your inner truth are right there for you: born from the darkness, born in the depths. Take this little nugget of light and boldly press your way up through the darkness with a new sense of awareness to uplift your subconscious.
This is how we individually and collectively elevate our consciousness and our vibrational frequency, by first descending and uplifting the more dense, challenging, and heavy things that hold us in a lower frequency. From a space of gentle acceptance, we connect back to the truth that we are worthy of love for we are love.
“To truly rise and ascend, we must learn how to lovingly and boldly descend and access our depths. ”
If you don’t actually get all the way through, descending down, down, down, there is no possibility to rise with your new gifts. That’s why sitting in the Darkness and allowing death is so important! Everything fades away, and the Path begins to become clear. But we are never going to get to our highest level of individual and collective ascension if we don’t sit with the truth of who the fuck we are underneath it all!
We have the awareness now, so we get to choose this. We get to dig deep and descend to clear up our root system and begin to ascend again. If we don’t choose this, we are consciously choosing nothing but to continue our individual and collective suffering. It begins within—within each one of us to be willing to connect back to our gifts to elevate our collective ecosystem and re-write the shared program.
The time is now for us to go within to be curious with our humans and dive into the darkness within. We get to get messy! Get dirty in your root system! Descend! To ascend, we must first remember we have the power, the potency, and the self-trust to descend into the depths of who we are in order to return, victorious, with the power and gifts of the darkness knowing without a shadow of doubt what we are fully capable of.
From my heart to yours, may you receive all the blessings and lessons meant to expand you and unfold you back to your soul's deepest truth. ▲
